Bind My Wandering Heart

Hey guys! I am so terrible about writing. I'm sorry, I'll be better! Life can get a little intense sometimes.

Update on the Mission: My papers are FINALLY in Salt Lake City!!! Today marks two full weeks of waiting, so hopefully this week is the week!! I'm pumped! I can't wait to serve the Lord and his people. A lot of people have been asking me where I want to go and here's my truly honest answer: I am happy going anywhere. I came to the realization a few weeks ago that it really isn't about where you serve, but how you serve. There are people all over the world who are looking for Christ and his eternal love, and I just want to share that message. Of course there are places I want to go above others, but I would rather keep reminding myself that I will go where God wants me to go. 

The past few weeks I have felt Satan's influence in the world around me more and more. As I fight to put myself in a place where I can constantly feel the spirit and be worthy of my mission, I feel him fighting just as hard to draw me into sin and temptation. I recognize the negativity more in my life lately in social media, movies, and just everyday living, more than I have ever recognized before. I have noticed myself thinking unrighteous things, or unkind things about others and sometimes I feel like I am inadequate to serve the Lord.

But, a phrase from one of my favorite songs comes to mind every time I consider going down the wrong path:  

I wish I had an explanation for why this particular part of the song comes to mind, but I don't. My only explanation is that the spirit knows I am most touched by music, and that this particular phrase would truly influence me. So, in the time I have had to think about this phrase, I've gathered a few thoughts I want to share.

First, the word bind and how truly powerful that idea is; to be bound to god. In the dictionary it says, "tie or fasten (something) tightly, cohere or cause to cohere in a single mass." I think that this has a lot of meaning. Our purpose in this life is to become more like God and make it back to live with him again. To do this, we must bind oureselves to God. When we bind ourselves to him, Satan has no power over us to drag us down.

There is a scripture that says:

This is exactly what is means to bind our wandering hearts to him. As natural human beings we are drawn to doing wrong and making mistakes. God gave us our free agency so we could choose between right and wrong and have our faith tested. So it is up to us to decide to continue on his path, or let our heart wander. God knows the intentions of each of our hearts. We cannot hide from him, we must put off the natural man.

I am not afraid that I am not worthy to serve a mission. I know I am. Satan would like me to think I will never be worthy, or never be good enough, but I know from reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, and binding my heart to God, that I will be a good missionary. I hope that as I continue my journey in this life, I will wander less.

This week I am thankful for music. I am thankful that God gifted me with the talent of singing, and the knowledge to understand how to read and write music. I am thankful for the songs that make me feel the spirit and turn me closer to god, and for the songs that make me smile and do a little jig :P. Here's a song that's been a favorite for a very long time, and my favorite group, Pentatonix, just happened to cover it beautifully in their new album! Go check it out :)

Thank you for all your kind words and prayers as I wait to get my mission call, I really really appreciate it! If you have any guesses on where I'll go, comment them down below, I'd love to hear!

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   • cohere or cause to cohere in a single mass.

Shower of Heavenly Blessings

I am so sorry I have been a little MIA lately, life gets so busy when you least expect it sometimes. Eh, who am I kidding? My life isn't that busy, I simply lack the motivation sometimes haha.

Today I want to talk about blessings. I guess I am jumping ahead of the gun, most people note their blessings when Thanksgiving comes around. But alas, I have never been one to follow the crowd. This previous week was a little trying for me. I was having a hard time focusing and feeling the spirit in my personal study, worrying about not working enough, and honestly, just lacking the motivation to do much of anything that I needed to get done. I had no reason, but I was feeling down in the dumps, and just pathetic.

On Sunday the 25th, I had gone and had my FINAL interview for my mission papers with the Stake President and he had told me they would be on their way to SLC at the end of the week. But alas, they are not, and should be out the middle of this week. I am not a patient person by any means. I am sorry to admit, but I was pretty annoyed and I was super frustrated not having them out yet. I have wanted to serve a mission my whole life and the fact that this to me was another stumbling block, another day more of waiting until I get my call, was my LAST STRAW! I was stewing, tired, and honestly just wanted to cry and scream. I was being the whiny teenager I've tried not to be.

So, I sat down begrudgingly to do my scripture study for Sunday, and read this in 2Nephi 4:17,

"Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities."

Heavenly Father is a pretty sneaky dude, and he knew it was time for my call to repentance. I couldn't deny that I read this scripture at an opportune time, I couldn't deny that I felt the spirit chastising me. Just after reading that, my mom called and I told her all I had been feeling and my frustrations. My father, being the nosey old man that he is, was listening to us and he said something that struck me as well. My dad doesn't often put his two cents into things. Not because he doesn't care, but because he really is a believer in free agency and letting me make my own decisions. He said, and this isn't verbatim, "Just because you want it now doesn't mean it's what God wants now. The time you are taking to wait, patiently or not, could be the difference between you going to Kentucky Spanish speaking, of Dublin, Ireland. You have no idea what the Stake Presidency is doing and what divine inspiration or trials they may be going through. Stick it out, be patient, and let it be in God's hands."

I appreciate what my dad said. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I sincerely believe that his priesthood power gave him the inspiration to say what God wanted me to know. I need to be more grateful for what I have and consider my blessing more often. I can be pretty ungrateful sometimes and I want to change that. From now on, I am going to post one thing I am grateful for at the end of my blog posts to remember all that I have to be thankful for. I encourage you all to remember what you have, and remember your blessing far outweigh your trials. 

Here is a video from President Uchtdorf about gratitude I would love to share with you :) 

Today, I am grateful for Eternal Families. I am thankful for a Father who is goofy and fun, yet one of the people in my life I look up to the most. I am grateful he is a worthy priesthood holder, and has never turned down an opportunity to utilize that power. I am grateful for a mother who taught me everything I know. From reading, to baking, to doing my own laundry, to being a Christlike daughter of God, I have her to thank for who I am today. Sometimes a girl just really, really needs her mom, and I have the best mom and best friend around. I am thankful for all of my siblings. We are all so different and unique, and sometimes we really try each other. I miss you all constantly, I pray for you, and I feel your love for me daily. I miss you guys like crazy. You are my best friends, and my greatest blessing from God. Thank you for never letting my head get too big, and always providing me with the laughs I need when I am down. I have no idea what I would do or be without you dorks.